What if cracking open the shell and exposing what’s inside is just the nourishment you need right now.

I had a boyfriend years ago whose father bought live mussels and fattened them up before he cooked them by feeding them porridge oats. 

Charlie would buy the mussels at Billingsgate fish market in London, bring them back home and tenderly feed them in a huge saucepan under the sink. He said with a smile, “this will fatten them up.” 

He would cook them in a flurry of flair, loudness, cooks tipples (some for the food, even more for him, and me as an avid student) garlic, onions and lashings of cream. 

He showed me how to use the half shell of an empty mussel to tease the sweet tasting meat out and into my mouth. He whispered as we were eating in his usual kindly way, “if you eat them like this people will know you are sophisticated.” 

Charlie came from lowly beginnings. One evening he shared stories of his childhood that were shocking at best, cruel at worst. However, Charlie had overcome those early challenges, had made good, running a large successful business.  

He could see at twenty I was out of my depth in this house, with ‘these people’, it was as if he could see me, I mean really see me. The discomfort I felt with the array of cutlery in front of me, the hint of surprise from the weight of the solid silver salt pot, that slipped from my hand and landed with a thud as it hit the polished mahogany table. 

Without uttering a direct instructional word, he gently helped me to feel more comfortable. 

Now you might be thinking as you read this, “what the hell, be whoever you want to be!” and I get it, sort of. This was forty years ago, things have changed…. or have they?   

It wasn’t about what the others in the room thought of me, it was more about how I felt about myself, in that room. How did Charlie know how to do the very thing I needed right then? Charlie had developed a deep understanding of himself, and from that he was able to recognise the same or similar in others. 

We spoke one evening about how using our ‘gifts’, the things we have learned, the experiences we have had, good or bad, positive or negative, traumatic or joyous to make a difference to ourselves and maybe to others, was a superpower that we might chose to tap into. 

That’s not capturing him verbatim because frankly he was probably a bit pissed and me happily tiddly (relaxed) at the time! 

However, that’s how the conversation has settled as a fond memory, and when I cook mussels, as I often do, I think of Charlie, his noticing, his words and of course his porridge oats!  

The boyfriend didn’t last of course, for several reasons perhaps underpinned by my feeling that I was just not good enough. 

As yet I  don’t have a title but I have an image of a person recommending my book to a friend saying, “ it’s really helpful in considering how your past life shapes your future both negatively but more importantly positively. By daring to work through the exercises in the book, particularly the stuff I thought needed to remain unspoken about, has given me new insight into who I am and what I can use positively and with intent to nourish me every day.” 

Writing feels unfamiliar, egotistical and somewhat tentative at the moment, however I know if I keep going those sensations will shift and take on different meaning in my practice. For now, I am exploring the process, daring to share a page here and there with some people that believe in me, even when I doubt myself, in this new endeavour.  

On Tuesday evening I cooked mussels, no feeding with porridge this time, and yet still they were plump and delicious. I sat back, looking at the discarded shells.  

Nourishment impossible to eat without opening the shell.  

I thought of Charlie again and how he used his experiences to help me, and I am sure others.  

That’s what I am aiming to do with my writing, to create something that encourages readers to delve gently and with care into what has been before. What makes them who they are today, to see what learning there is there, what can be salvaged and used or recognised in a positive frame. To open up those metaphorical shells and pluck the ‘nourishment’ from them. 

Just as the mussel protects its delicate interior from external threats, we too can create a nurturing space for our innermost ideas and emotions, keeping our experiences safe while allowing our minds to flourish. To consciously examine and learn from both positive experiences and those that feel like less than helpful.  

By tapping into this inner sustenance, we nourish our minds, fostering growth and resilience.  

I am sure we have all heard the terms Growth and Fixed Mindset and Professor of Psychology at Stamford University Carol Dweck’s fantastic work of how we can harness the power of learning from challenging experiences.  

Carols work teaches us that a Fixed Mindset is when we believe that our abilities and intelligence is static and unchangeable, leading us to fear failure and avoid challenges. Conversely a Growth Mindset enables us to view challenges as an opportunity for learning and growth. 

Even if we have past life experiences that are uncomfortable and may make us inwardly squirm, revisiting and reflecting on these challenges with a Growth Mindset can provide us with fuel through extracting valuable lessons to use right now or in the future.  

My coach asked me to share my writing ……yes write, as I felt my stomach flip. She’s a well-known journalist, this was frightening!  She urged, “just write about who you are to do the work you do and why.” 

I did it! What did I discover?  That what was in the shells, had given me gifts too. Had some of the life experiences not happened then I wouldn’t be who I am. Some of it would qualify as trauma perhaps (let’s not get too deep) but my goodness what nourishment facing it with a growth mindset it has given me over the years.  

Before I wrote about myself and how that linked to me doing the work I love, that dimension was hidden to me. Rather like the mussels, cook them gently and combine them with a sauce and you get the full effect, the full meal. 

What’s this piece about? It’s not a recipe for fattening up your mussels with porridge, it’s an invitation to dare look inside somehow. It’s about recognising and accepting that even the bad experiences are who we are, and we can use those experiences as growth, as a superpower for ourselves and perhaps others.